How To Have Pleasurable Anal Sex
Anal sex should not be painful.
If it is, you are doing it wrong!
I've written this document in hopes of helping others safely explore what can be an extremely erotic and natural part of a couple's sex play... anal sex.
Often when a couple wants to venture into the world of sex, they discover one of two things: they aren't sure how to go about doing it, or they find out the hard way that it can be very painful.
Anal sex should NOT be painful; if it is, you are doing it wrong. There are a few things I'd like to share with you about anal sex that can turn it from a painful experience, into a wonderful sexual exploration with your partner.
First and foremost, we must address the issue of sexually transmitted diseases. If you are not in a monogomous, long term relationship where you have both been tested at least twice over the period of six months for STD's, then PLEASE use a condom. I cannot stress enough how important wearing a condom is when engaging in any kind of risky sex, especially anal sex. Now with that out of the way, we can continue with the advice.
How-to: The Details
Lubricant: The first key to having successful anal sex is lubricant. A popular lubricant is KY-Jelly, but sex stores offer a wide variety of lubricants. Make sure you get a water-based lubricant that is COMPATIBLE with condoms. Oil based lubricants contain very small particles that break down condoms and cause tiny tears in the latex that may not be visible to the human eye (but you can bet the germs could get through!).
Patience: The second key to great anal sex is patience. You cannot slick on some lubricant and suddenly expect to be ramming things into your partner's ass. There are two muscles that control the 'door' to your partners bottom, so to speak. The outer muscle can be controlled voluntarily. Whether your partner is relaxed or not, they should be able to will this muscle to relax. The second muscle however, is controlled by reflex. It has a mind of its own. If your partner is not relaxed, this muscle is NOT going to open up for anything. This is where patience comes in.
Getting started: Anal sex is something that you have to work up to. Start by laying with your partner and simply exploring. Use some lubricant and use a finger to simply caress their anus. After awhile, ask them if they are comfortable with continuing further, and if so, slide your finger very SLOWLY inside. Doing this slowly is the key, and listen to your partner if they tell you to stop. If they do, stop what you are doing and wait (don't suddenly pull out!). If they tell you to pull out, do so slowly, and maybe wait awhile before trying again. If they give you the go ahead to continue, keep exploring with your finger gently.
From finger to dildo: When you and your partner decide that you've done enough exploring with your finger, then it's time to move onto something bigger. I wouldn't suggest jumping right into using your penis just yet. Try using a small smooth dildo. Any ridges, no matter how small, will scrape as the toy gets pushed in, so check your toys for any seams and edges. Try to find a toy that is made out of smooth moulded plastic or rubber. It might be best to use a toy that has a wide base on it. Most toys designed for anal play have a wide base to prevent the toy from disappearing inside your partner's body. If your toy does not have a base on it, just be careful to keep a good grasp on it. Remember, lubricated toys are slippery! (see further down for what to do if you lose a toy!)
Bring on the penis: After you and your partner have worked for some time together with fingers and toys, you will be ready to move onto actually using a real penis. (yay!) This might be only a short time after you started exploring, or it could be several days to weeks. My partner and I spent a considerable amount of time exploring until I felt comfortable enough with going further, and believe me, it was worth the wait. When you move up to using your penis, remember to take things very slowly still. The slight anxiety from moving to something bigger could cause your partner to tighten up a bit. Apply a LOT of lube. Maybe use your fingers or a toy to get into the swing of things, and to lessen any anxieties the person might have. When you are going to actually use your penis, check with your partner first to make sure they are ready. When they give you the go ahead, take it slow. With all the lubricant, the penis will tend to "pop" right in there, so when that happens, stop moving and check with your partner if you should continue. If your partner ever tells you to stop, simply stop moving and wait until they either tell you to get out, or tell you to keep going.
Remember: An important thing to remember about the insides of a persons' ass is that it is not a straight tunnel. There are bends and curves, and you have to be gentle so that you do not bang into a 'wall'. Taking it slow and gentle is the best way to guarentee a pain free experience.
Success at last: And now, if all things have gone well, you have had a successful experience with anal sex!!! At the same time, it must be mentioned that some people might discover that they simply don't like it. At least you tried something new. If you discover that you do like it, suddenly you have a whole new world to explore.
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