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Sex Tips: Same Girl, Better Sex

Posted in: Sex Tips
Nov 21, 2007 - 1:13:03 PM

You'd think the sexual repertoire of couples would broaden over time, but it actually tends to narrow as comfort sets in.


A lot of men would assume at this point that the relationship is doomed. But it doesn't have to be, once you understand that change isn't a death knell -- it's opportunity knocking.


Whether your relationship is 5 months or 5 years old, your sex life is constantly evolving -- and not always for the better. Hot and heavy becomes warm and comfortable, which, before you know it, morphs into chilly and awkward.

"These changes start between 2 months and 2 years," says Maurice Taylor, a licensed marriage therapist and coauthor of What's the State of Your Union? "That's when you start seeing the hidden sides of your partner. She's angry, pouty, or bossy. These displays of anger can kill your sexual chemistry."
 
A lot of men would assume at this point that the relationship is doomed. But it doesn't have to be, once you understand that change isn't a death knell -- it's opportunity knocking. Here are five ways to bust a rut and resume rutting.

1. Try damn near anything once.
You'd think the sexual repertoire of couples would broaden over time, but it actually tends to narrow as comfort sets in. That's why Lex and Leslie have a pact: Nothing is off limits. "The last new position we tried was where Leslie was on her back with her legs curled up so her ankles were near her head, and I was positioned above her," says Lex. "We joked about her being a contortionist, but she really liked the intense eye contact it provided."
 
Novelty ignites passion by increasing your brain's levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to romance and sex drive, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. Fisher has been studying relationship biology for more than two decades. "So if you keep doing things that are new and different, you have a better chance of sustaining the romance," she says.
 
Okay, but how do you get your partner to don a Catwoman suit and purr? "Just ask," says Lex. "Make sure she knows you don't expect her to do it ever again. And be willing to do anything for her, too. Once."

2. Arnold was right about the pump and orgasms.
Exercise works wonders not only on your body, but also on your woman. "Exercising together fuels our passion," says Melinda, who, along with her husband, Stephen, redefines the term "pump you up."
 
"Vigorous activities, such as jogging and spinning, release endorphins that improve your mood and relax you," says American Council on Exercise spokesman Gregory Florez. "In the hours following 30 to 40 minutes of cardio, skin temperature is elevated and your sense of touch is heightened. It's a great time for intimacy."
 
Melinda and Stephen, who've been together 5 years, work out at home in their underwear -- "for more visual stimulation and extra motivation," says Stephen. Foreplay includes pushups and chest presses. "Sometimes we do exercises that bring us really close, but we don't actually touch," he says. "I'll do pushups while Melinda's on the floor doing chest presses. Or she stands up doing curls while I'm underneath her doing situps. We get hot, sweaty, and turned on, and then it's time for another workout -- this time in the bedroom."
 
Don't hold back, either. "Sweat is an aphrodisiac," says Florez, who is also the CEO of FitAdvisor.com. "The smell of perspiration from a clean person is arousing. Postexercise, your brain is in a state of  hyperarousal, and your body may be as well."

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Sex Tips: Same Girl, Better Sex

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